“You’re up shit creek without a paddle…”
It took years… actually just a year and a half.
Not much, I know, but to me … it felt like ages.
No one ever told me how hard forgiveness could be.
Tough to forgive that other person,
even tougher to forgive myself for slipping even further.
It’s amazing the mental torment one can self-conflict.
Losing friends, trying to move on
and shedding tears not worth crying anyway.
I thought I was doomed to be “that” girl …
a girl I never wanted to be.
One who’d fall for stupid lies and
get completely scarred in the process.
So I took a break — from guys, from passion,
focusing solely on school and my health.
Those were things I could control.
There was the goodness of a friend that I love …
she showed me new things, a way to forgive
that I couldn’t ever expect myself to learn.
She showed me a prayer can help,
that friends can be true,
that you never have to do anything alone
and that you’re always loved…
no matter what.
And I believed.
The first step was forgiving him…
that seemed easy when it came to myself.
So I kept it up. That belief thing.
Crazily enough … it worked.
I may have forgiven myself …
but there are other people and situations
that haven’t earned my forgiveness yet.
Forgiveness had to be a lesson learned,
but is a constant work in progress.
Faith in myself and in overall goodness
just might make the difference.