tossing and turning
over something past
staring up at blank skies
wondering where the stars
have gone into hiding
wondering why no smiles
greet you in the morning
to say a new day has come
embrace it with all you’ve got
since the sun holds onto you
carrying you through
even one day more
though there’s no spotlight
only the natural one
you should aim for
every day
poem
dreams of missing
rehearsing in a space too small
at too steep of an incline
with too many rows of chairs
getting angry with my double
for never being around
playing with the children
as though my best friends
shift to living in a new house
where my sister is making coffee
only I’m the only one to see
baffled because she’s not here
my parents coming home from flights
while I’m planning my own…
a $200 round trip ticket to Europe
deciding to spend the three day weekend
in London to surprise my best friend
getting confused and saying Italy instead
because another friend is there
nearly missing my plane by a half hour
arriving in London and asking for Italy guides,
Euros, and then realizing my error
finding a place to stay
but seeing my friend only once
then slowly drifting awake
wondering why my mind is so weird
that I must dream so vividly
of missing people and missing places
the spark
where did it all go
the excitement of seeing
an idea of anticipation
begging fingers to scratch
an erratic racing heart
anticipation spewing over
getting lost inside a kiss
forgetting what’s around
and just being there
itching to feel yet
not letting it all in
is it lost in analysis
obscure in indifference
wandering in coulds
hoping to break dark
or conceal in light
is it gone forever
possibly warn out
so it doesn’t know
when to spark
all over again
sorely crucial
pull your arms up
behind your back
shoulders popping
muscles scream in protest
crook of the elbow
stealing pinches
of tendons, of nerves
roll it all out
just so it will stop
the pain, the hurting
hoping next time
the hurt won’t be
someplace so crucial
catch your breath
the moment your heart erratically expands
how your whole soul feels like it’s smiling
lost in a moment so utterly perfect
lost outside yourself yet never more inside
how hard it feels to breathe
to take something so crucial
so necessary yet divine
turn it so you can’t help but be blind
even if just for this moment of reflection
where you took a complete leap of faith
hoping that they will be waiting
to catch your breath
above water
I’m drowning in my own tears
Will someone save me?
I need to breathe…
I need to get my head
Above water
How could I hurt so much
When you walked away?
I am so lost
I need to find my path
Here on the ground
These tears are real
Try as I may
My life won’t be the same
Without you to keep me
Above water
I’m falling down a black hole
Arms reaching upward
My life crumbles
I need someone’s hand
To pull me up
Isn’t anyone there
To pull me out of the water?
Waves pounding the life
Out of me
I need to get my head
Above water
I hope its you
I hope you’re the one
To save me and pull me
Above water
—
Found this going through some old poems… apparently this one was inspired by New Moon by Stephanie Meyer (Twilight series). Yep, there was a time I was a fan. It was before I was an English major, so don’t judge. Haha!
all you
tell me secrets
i’ll tell no lies
you show yours
and i’ll show mine
lay it all out there
scabs, bruises and lines
from days you love
to those you hate
where waking up
makes you irate
look in the mirror
looking back is space
too many folks lie
not enough speak true
everyone behind a mask
a different shade of blue
be strong to push it aside
owning up to be all you
let me fly
why do dreams like to flaunt
bobbing around in your face
daring you to take a swipe
but you think you won’t strike
why do dreams like taunt
with sparkling diamonds and dust
begging to be taken into your hand
so you can travel to unseen lands
why do dreams make you cry
when you try to attain them
when you feel like there’s only so much
you can do to make everything just
why do dreams make you smile
hoping with every little fiber in yourself
that they will someday find their way
straight to you so you don’t stray
why can’t those dreams be true
all on their own without any help
so all the pain you go through in trying
won’t end up in failing but instead flying
the things i love
i see the door knob gleaming brightly
my hand itches to turn it
to open the door and walk out
rather than locked and closed
but then i’m enchanted by the pen
stroking stories into being
crafting lines of symmetry
filling in the holes where
those missing pieces lie
once the story is complete
the microphone catches my eye
so i sing and sing and sing
until my voice grows hoarse
and lungs feel light again
i’ll even write the songs i sing
i’ll compose music within me
and outward on a keyboard
hoping and hoping they’ll be heard
will anyone even listen
then i’ll look back at the door
the knob polished yet untouched
begging to be turned and opened
from its sorely locked state
to let me see outside what i love
i have everything i love right here
so why would i venture out
not able to find that one thing
that i ever seem to be missing
that elusive, pleasureful and painful thing
the thing that locked me in here
from the very beginning
dance with me
heart throbbing in your throat
hands twitch in anticipation
someone’s rather jumpy
hope nibbles at lips
feet itching to dance
let’s start this party
mind loses itself in rhythm
body sways and rocks
dance with somebody
hips swing to the beat
eyes close in pleasure
stop everything and enjoy