From the Something Write original blog.
wake up with swollen eyes
as if i just got a tattoo
and didn’t i really?
not hurt from truth
but hurt from doubt
the fear of being broken
broken like old vinyl
played perhaps a bit too much
full of life and yet…
only some songs play
or stop playing
right before the chorus
wake up for something new
broken means fixable
don’t know how to look
what is wrong with you
people will ask
when everything is right
have i even found the answer?
the glitter imbedded in my skin
that effervescent sparkle in my eye
the smile that just won’t quit
heart giving away all my secrets
pounding away inside my chest
my breath quickens as it rises
knowing an audience is there
for a show to make them feel–
cry, laugh and beam in joy
and that is why i love performing
there you are
not saying a word
can’t you give me
something
anything
i’ve said many
with many more
waiting
behind parted lips
unless your mouth opens
mine will stay closed
said far too much
before it pours out again
i need to know
just how you feel
sometimes i get lost
feeling things i don’t
typically let in
anger, sadness
jealousy
defeat
with bright lights
blinding me
i forget that girl
i’m pretending to be
breaking free out of me
isn’t me at all
but only a face i play
you’re all i think about
everything i dream about
all my heart beats for
everything in my eyes
can you see it all
because i do
that stupid grin on my face
the constant playing with hair
the little happy dance i do
the recurring glance to my phone
the waiting for what you say
the potential of the future
between you and me
i cannot count how many times
i’ve told myself to just forget
that you were never good
that all we had never could
be something more
i cannot retrace the lines
you tread with no caution
constantly blurring edges
never even knowing time
makes all the difference
pounding fists on the floor
pain pinching extended arms
hairography plain flying
belting out a tune
hoping for just a piece
of that tantalizing pie
aching for the lights
the hum and build of instruments
the movement we do with it
all of this just to see
a smile or a tear after
the curtain has gone down
sitting backstage
jumping up and down
ready for a new show
because each night
is opening night
even if it’s not your first
i try to be truthful, honest
but sometimes… it’s hard to admit
easy to avoid
impossible to ignore
irrevocably branded
where only you can see
it’s where you ask
what’s important
what’s needed
what’s really wanted
what to let go
and what to hold onto
truth is where the heart is
but only when it’s shared
are you not alone
some days i wonder what it be like
if you were still there, still alive
the example you lived
the love you shared
the role you played in my life
would we become closer
would we fall apart sometimes
but still find comfort in each other
because… hey, we’re family
and families are forever
you’re still a part of my family
you may not have a physical body
but i feel you from time to time
and i hope you know that i know
everything i ever received from you
i cling to like you wouldn’t believe
since i can no longer cling to you
today is Memorial Day
and this is all i can think about
this is me saying that i love you
that though you’re gone
i still carry you with me
in my aching heart and tears i cry
the memories i have of us together
and i will never forget you
until we meet again…